Dr. Jamie Bondage

1.He would appear and stay for a while then he would disappear for days, sometimes weeks. Comma after while. 2.“Help me,” said a quiet and desperate voice. Orlam turned around, ...

The Mercenary: "Look lively now." I called out to my men. I smiled as I saw the new girl, Adri, working harder than most of my men did. All of ...

1. But then on Tuesday something happened. I’m a TA in the office and I saw Jerry walk into the office once again barely noticing me. He sat, waiting outside ...

This is way too short for a chapter! Make it part of chapter one.

Double Space!!!!! Put spaces between your paragraphs! I really didn't find any mistakes...I don't think...=p Jamie Bondage

1.We did not strip down that that night, which was probably a mistake on Ethan’s part. Take out a that. 2.So, I look away and modestly and pull the blanket ...

1.I quickly put my hands down, my eyes lowering to the floor. My grandparents looked at me strangely. Combine these and put as after floor. That was creepy! Lol. But ...

1. People often call me the oddball of the school, I have only a few friends, but they’re all the friends I need. It sounds like you just threw these ...

Name: Alexus Age: 18 Gender: Female Education: High Ship:The Mercenary Crew: Hand picked men (and women) whom she sees fit to help her. Loyal and trustworthy, they serve her wholeheartedly. ...

This was excellent...the partridge in a pear tree thing a bit cliche, but I liked it. Can't wait to read more, Jamie Bondage.

"Hello Amira, good to see you again." "Good to see you, sir." Mr. Zendoro chuckled. "It seems that you enjoy my class. Is something wrong? You only come in here ...

Short and sweet, I like it. XD I really didn't see any errors. Sorry I couldn't be more help. Jamie Bondage

1.I took a few more steps in and found was I was looking for. The first was should be what. 2. My hearth was beating really fast and I tried ...

1.The guest room was very plain, a four post canopy bed and a dresser was all the decorated it. The should be that. Well written, as usual. XD I didn't ...

1. My brother Kyle tells me… You've already told the reader that he's your brother several times. Just say, Kyle tells me. and end with a single period, not ... ...